Point two was the point that convicted me the most. For me it was like 'Hallelujah, someone in this world actually knows what I'm feeling.' That's no exaggeration.
Why religious change doesn't work:
#2. When our acceptance is based on our performance, we exacerbate two root sins in our heart: pride and fear.
The exposure of our nakedness implanted in us a deep sense of fear. We sensed that we were not acceptable as we were (which is true), so we felt driven to do something to make ourselves more acceptable to God. But whatever we think makes us better than others, we feel proud about, and that leads us to more sin.
Over reading repentance and The Gospel, I've noticed a lot of sin in my life. Before, honestly, I didn't think I was a very prideful person. I've known people who had major pride issues they've admitted to, and I just never thought, 'Oh I'm prideful.' You know how everyone feels like they have this ONE GREAT sin that needs work on. They're sorry for it, they know they are wrong, they want to change. On the otherside are these little foot sins that just there, and we repent of them occastionaly but they are The One Big Sin. That's how I've thought for a long time. Believe me when I tell you, I never thought my big sin was pride. I still don't like to think that, but I know I'm in self-denial. Pride is a huge sin. And it was there and as the quote said, it just led me to 1 million foot sins. I've tried very hard to get approval and for a sinner I'm pretty good. But I've never been satisfied. All this time I was thinking: What do I do? I mean I'm following the steps. I have to realize my sin, repent and blah blah. But nothing was happening. I just felt worse and worse, because I realized that it was the approval that I was trying to gain just wasn't coming.
Of course, on the other hand, when we don't feel like we measure up to others, we despair. I realized then and there that I was in a hole of despair. I had all this sin. That moment it was almost awkward because I was so happy that I figured out that I was in despair. I was focusing so much on my sin, and trying to win back approval, I was missing everything.
This quote was finished the job: While performance-based acceptance thrusts us into a cycle of pride and despair, acceptance by God's grace produces the exactly opposite fruits. The assurance of God's presence and approval takes away our sense of nakedness and our craving of their approval.
Eureka! I found it! I finally knew that what I was missing was assurance. It's good to realize sin, but it will KILL you without grace. I didn't know the extent of God assurance of grace. And that was just a wonderful thing.
So I encourage you, don't let yourself rest in your performance. I promise you, you will despair if you do so. We just need to sit back and bask in grace, because without grace there is no joy to be found. The Lord is a God of Wrath, but his grace is enough to wash that away so that we can have an intimate relationship with him.
In Christ there is nothing I can do that makes You love me more, and nothing I have done that makes you love me less- JD Greear
~Hannah
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